Flower pigs in Sedona,Arizona surprise? Well maybe not but sometimes life throws a surprise our way and flower pigs become more common place. I'm not talking about a surprise party or the big credit card bill you got back in January. No these can be expected so no surprise. What I' driving at is life changing surprises. How you go along every day and no big deal and suddenly one day you find that going to sleep is starting to be a big deal,or perhaps little things grow into big deals. My deal right now is that I'm fearing death and having panic attacks for no good reason. So why get all twisted up over so many things you can't control. Good question and I haven't a clue? I've lost interest in watching TV and find reading more difficult and lost my groove. I'm thinking cabin fever because it is Summer time and in the Phoenix area that means hot temperatures ,bad air quality because of wildfires and just normal pollution so you spend a lot of time indoors,or at least I do. I'm sure that is part of it but I'm getting older and feeling it more. The disability problems I've had for 16 years or so are not getting better and little good news is happening. Everything has fallen into a black or white category with little to none of those gray areas we use to cherish. Life has gotten to serious and really is not so great that I should be fearing dying or having panic attacks. I'm feeling that meditation of some sort is a good start to learning to return to an easier and less fearful way of life. The problem is reading and doing with acceptance this meditation is difficult right now but I have to change some paradigms to get back to where I was a few months ago. Carefree and full of confidence well something close to that will be acceptable. I just need a return to a less stressful life. It would seem some people thrive on stress these days but I'm just getting to old for that way and noticing my life is changing for many reasons and they all relate to getting old. I know 67 years old is not such an old age these days but some of us have higher mileage on our chassis and a disability or several disabilities is starting to add up and not in a positive way. I'm seeing more and more of our friends and people we know are dying because as we get older that is what happens. So the push is going to be learn to relax again. Yes I use to be able to do this so just go back to how I looked at things in my earlier life and toss off this yoke of fear that seems to be a problem now and just feel different. Be myself and relax that is what I need to do and it sounds like good advise for anyone these days.
